Porcelain
by Ordinarycasgirl
Summary: I may look strong but I can be smashed so easily. My first fanfic. Please read and review. Tell me what you think. Maily Sam but a bit of everyone in there possibly a bit of romance not sure yet. Loooking to make a few chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Thanks to mimiam for inspiring me to write. I hope you like it! Enjoy!**

_~Kirsty_

Sam stirred to the roar of the neighbourhood dogs, after yet another restless night. Staring over to her alarm clock it read 6:15. The alarm should have gone off by now as the shift starts at 7. As she walked into the bathroom she caught a glimpse of the reflection that was staring back her. The person in front of her looked vulnerable, weak and exhausted. This wasn't her.

After a quick change Sam decided to run to work as It would wake her up, despite the rain that lashed down outside and the fact that she was already running late.

People would think she was crazy but in her head rain was the best running weather. Whenever people would as her "why do you run?" she would simply reply with " i like to run because it gives you the feeling of freedom and its the easiest way to push yourself. " But its not that I has never been that she must run to be seen as strong woman when on the inside she feels like sitting down in a corner and crying but she doesn't understand why.

Its now 6:30 that gives her 20 minutes to run the 3.5 mile route to work. Running through the forestry, as it'd be the easier route today, due to the weather. The rain fell through gaps in the tree canopy as she ran. Looking through the tree canopy she slipped over a bail of moist leaves, causing her to tumble down the slope beside her.

As she became aware to her surroundings again she realised the dirt that now clung to her clothes. Sure she was definitely gonna be late for work now she immediately got back up and back on route to the ED, despite the possible injuries.

It only took her a further 10 minutes to arrive at the ed. during that time she had come to the conclusion that the tumble had caused no more than bruises, but choose not to look at injuries a it would make her more aware of them.

It was ten past seven when she finally enters the staffroom, she rushes through the door. As she does so, Dylan also rushes through this causes her to smash her side on the frame. She feels the need to scream in pain but manages to challenge the hurt from her bruises into a small wince.

This got a raised eyebrow from a concerned Zoe and a confused look from the Liverpudlian Linda who were both chatting about men over a cup of tea like a pair of old women down the bingo. "are you okay Sam?" the two women questioned. She didn't feel the need to respond to their questioning instead she quickly grabbed her scrubs and went into the changing room.

In the changing room Sam done a quick examination of her torso. She was right. Nothing more than bruises. She would survive.

She would normally get changed in the staff room but knew she would get unnecessary questions about the array of bruises that she now knows already scattere her torso. Sam knew she couldn't have a cup of tea as her shift had already started so headed straight into the rush if the emergency department.


	2. Chapter 2

Zoe's POV

"Did you see that?" Zoe questioned Linda  
"Yea i did, why did she just ignore you like that?"  
"I dunno but I'm gonna find out, what her problem is." Zoe was insistent.

* * *

Sam POV

The shift was nothing out of the extraordinary. Just a few drunks, fractures and the odd food poisoning. Except this shift was full of confrontations with Zoe as she continuously questioned my personal life. Watching my every must have thought the hints she kept dropping were subtle, but they weren't! Since Dylan's left there's been tension between us but today, she just pushed it.

After the shift, the majority were going to the pub. I wasn't to keen on joining them at the thought of having to deal with the persistent glares I would receive from Zoe. I ended up gong in the end, not just because Tom is a master of persuasion but I had also heard from Linda that her and zoe were going out anyway. So it didn't take much.

In the pub, I sat round a table with Fletch, Tom, Aoife, Robyn and Jamie. I liked this group of peopl they were always cheerful and full of glee. So when you was feeling crap, which is all the time, they're a good bunch to hang around with. After about 8 rounds of jägermeister, bombs and shots, the 'final four' decided to call it a night. That being me, Tom, Fletch and Aoife.

* * *

"Sam why don't you get a taxi home with me." Tom insisted.  
"No thank you, I feel in a good mood to walk." She replied drunkenly.  
Tom was wary on how she would make it home, as it was slashing down with rain and she struggled to string a sentence together. Knowing Sam would not be persuaded he decided it would be best to walk with her. He regretted this soon after.

* * *

Tom POV  
The sight of Sam's apartment, was one I wa grateful of. I have never regretted a walk so much in my life. After the horrendous walk, through the middle of a flood, I carried a shivering Sam through the open plan apartment to her bedroom. She looks so grateful to be reunited with her bed, as would I at this moment. I'd love to stay but I know that would over step the mark and make our friendship awkward. I couldn't do that though I could never lose Sam. I love her.

* * *

Sam POV

I was ... When I was with Tom, nothing else seemed to matter. No matter how cold I was, he was there to hold me. I wish he could have stayed. I should have asked him, but ... I'm too scared. Instead I'm laying in this enormous bed, with space to fill, being swallowed up by the darkness that surrounds me. I don't like the dark. It doesn't help me sleep. I become annoyed. Stressed even. I must see my surroundings. I need to turn on some light, but I have sinken into the mattress, with no escape. Not knowing what's there lurking in the black, puts pressure on my brain. But I still lay there. Heart pumping. Brain thumping. Waiting on sleep.

I close my eyes I'm there. About 2 miles from Camp Bastion.  
There's bodies in front of me I see their faces. I want to help them, but I can't move. I'm stuck. Frozen.

There's three people. Two men and a young woman. She has big soft mint coloured eyes, but small features with a flow of ginger hair to follow. She young, so young. What is she doing here. In a warzone. its not safe. She cant be a soldier. She just a young girl. She's so small. I'm calling at her.  
"Hello can you hear me, what's your name."

She didn't respond. Her face pale. Slipping away. Disappearing from my view.

I strain my eyes, as I'm back to reality. In an apartment, on my own , in the dark. No one else around. I'm sweating, exhausted and confused. I look at my surroundings. I tilt my head to look at my phone 5:12 realise I've had just over 2 hours shut eye. As I sit up I feel like head there's a throbbing I my head, it feels like the front half of my head is separating from the rest. Which is probably due to the high amount of alcohol i had consumed hours before. I struggle to deal with the dizziness as a strong wave of nausea overtakes me, I bolt upright and sprint into the en suite.

After 20 minutes of vomiting into the toilet, I now sat a the bottom of it the sickness subsiding, I decide Im too awake to go back to bed so I may as well do something productive now as I have the time. I look for my to do list.

Clean the kitchen  
Clean the living room  
Tidy the bedroom  
Clean the bathroom  
Shower  
Eat  
Run  
Get ready for work  
Go to work

If anything it was a daily plan. Not a to do list. i had never been one for lists, but I needed this routine, as i had lost it since my departure from the army.I cleaned the already immaculate apartment and showered. By the time this was done, I really wasn't feeling hungry, so I decided to skip that step and go for a longer run. Then after it, I can go. Back to _my_ safe haven, the E.D.


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope you are all enjoying this. :) please review and follow, if you like it. (I'm not forcing you)**

**_~Kirsty _**

As Sam walked on the ED,she knew she looked rough, well she felt it anyway. She felt Zoe, look her up and down, through the corner of her eye. She wondered what the senior doctors problem was. Then her eyes met with Tom who had a cheeky grin on his face. This changed her mood completely. Sam didn't want to imagine why he grinned, but couldn't help but think, it had something to do with the state she got in last night.

The sound of the red phone rang through the ED. Tom glides over to the desk to answer the phone but Sam slips in just before him. His face a picture for all to see as she turns around and smirks at him with innocence in her eyes.

"Sam!" Tom says in a slightly frustrated mood. Sam held her finger to her mouth. As if to tell him to shut up. As she replaced the phone on the hook she was able to reply to Tom.  
"Sorry Tom, I'm a bit busy" Sam commented whilst giving him a cheeky wink. Tom was left mouth open like a goldfish.

It was stated on the phone that there had been a road traffic accident and that a doctor is required at the scene. Sam being Sam obviously says she will be there. Not just because of the adrenaline rush, but it also gives her the ability to steer clear of Zoe, as she couldn't deal with her looking over her shoulder all day, after yesterday's shift. Plus the hangover from hell.

* * *

Sam was delighted when she met paramedics Jeff and Dixie in the ambulance bay and discovered the call was with them. Sam had always looked at Jeff and Dixie as a the parents of her work based family, the only existent family. Since the first day Sam arrived in Holby, they had had a good connection after an incident when the ambulance, with them three and a patient, was rammed of the road. She prayed today would not be as eventful.

The paramedics had warned Sam of what had happened and the situation the were now stuck in. "The driver of the car, a 17 year old girl was trapped in the small silver citron that had steered of the road and was now wrapped around a tree in a small ditch."

When they arrive at the scene, you could see how lucky the girl was, despite being in a critical condition. As the crumple zone meant the car took the majority of the impact. The steering wheel was pressing down on her legs trapping her inside. As the fire engines had not yet arrived, Sam thought she would use an old trick she learnt in army, to release the wheel from the dashboard. Using a pair of screwdrivers it was relatively easy.

Despite the situation the girl was relativity calm. There was no hysterics as I freed her legs. No screams of pain. Nothing. It worried us all. She hadn't had many pain killers so should be experiencing some discomfort. But that was only us assuming as her face was stone , an expressionless face, much like Dylan's used to be. Worrying about a possible spinal injury or internal bleed, Jeff and Dixie knew how crucial it was to get her back to Holby E.D, as soon as possible.

* * *

As Jeffrey and Dixie carried the young woman to the ambulance Sam noticed the petrol, leaking from the rear end of the car and warned everyone, of the danger. Seconds later she was running up the ditch from the site with everyone else.

She was the last one in the zone when a final spark from the battery caused the area of the car to shake violently as flames erupted from the vehicle. Sam was thrown no more than two meters from the site, as she was relatively far away to begin with. She immediately got up to check on Jeff and Dixie. They and the patient were fine in the safety of the ambulance. She ran, immediately, to join them.

"You alright princess" Jeff queried. This being his catchphrase.  
"Yes you and Dixie ?" She asked innocently.  
Dixie joined into the convosation from the front of the ambulance.  
"Ah we're good, hard as nails. You ready Jeff , yea, off we go then!"

Sam felt a searing pain in her arm, as she continuously checked the patient with Jeff, in the back of the ambulance. Although it hurt, Sam felt, fir some reason, it was the least she deserved at the moment. So she just dealt with it. As Sam was the person that took most of the impact from the explosion, she knew she had some minor injuries , but kept quiet about them, as the patient was the priority. It had nothing to do with the fact that she hated having a fuss. Nothing to do with how weak and venerable it would portray her, to her colleagues. It was relatively easy to hid as there was no blood seeping through the overalls and by cover her head she got away with no lacerations to her head. She decided she would deal with what she had imagined would be, a few gashes across her arm. As she had used it to shield herself from the derby that smashed into her. They looked back on the wreck that laid before them, if their reaction was 2 seconds slower the situation could have turned out much differently.

* * *

We kept talking for as long as we could. I found out various facts about Emily, that was her name, Emily. She hates pizza, rugby, cats, the colour green and that she hates it when people over exaggerate situations. Random I know. However Emily loves football, rounders,vegetables,running,fast food, TV and was very artistic. She did say more about her family, but i found that too complicated to remember. It is odd how much you can know someone from an hour chatting.

* * *

Arriving at the ED the was an army of doctors, old and young, nurses and even one Mr Jordan. The team had heard of an explosions, but nothing since. They all suppressed the thought of treating a colleague, a friend. They were a large amount of sighs, as the young woman was the only patient needing any medical attention, as far as they were aware.

" You all okay, yes, no injuries to report." The clinical lead awed his team.  
In unison they replied "no".

As the doctors continued treating Emily. Sam was ordered to go to the on call room for an hours break after her exhausting morning. On her way to the have a break Sam stopped in the staff room to have a quick chat with Aoife, adamant she would continue her shift in cubicles, after the nap. That's when she saw it. The TV report.  
'3 dead in Afghanistan' read the TV. Sam shook her head. There were three pictures. Two men and a young woman. The woman in the picture had big green eyes, small features and ginger hair stuffed under her beret. It was her. From the dream. She was real. But now she's... Dead. Sam felt her self swaying dangerously. She saw the staffroom spin. Within seconds. Thud! She was swallowed by darkness.

**Might not be able to continuously update due to the upcoming exams but I Will try my best! Forgot to say thank you for reading and reviewing x :)**

**(just to clear it up - Ive changed the last line to Sam in the staffroom on her own as it makes the story easier to continue.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys. Sorry of being slow at posting these stories funding it hard decide which storyline to take. Anyhow thanks to anyone following my fanfic. Enjoy! :)**

_**~Kirsty**_

Sam POV

How to start. I flickered my eyes open to find myself collapsed on the staffroom floor, by the lockers. I was so grateful no one came in the staffroom, and found me , I could do without the fuss. I slowly raised myself of the floor, grabbing onto the kitchen unit. I stood there, staring into space, trying to understand the reason for my collapse.

I stuck the kettle on boil, cause I believed I was deserving of one. Whilst waiting for the water to boil,I came to the conclusion I had collapsed, either due to not being able to keep any food down, having a terrible sleeping pattern. (4 hours at most) or in shock of the girl from my dream, who was dead. I thought that the best diagnoses would be a combination of all three.

* * *

When I had finished making the coffee, I grabbed two paracetamol from the staff cupboard, and took them with my coffee. Unsure of the combination - coffee and pills.  
I made my way the short distance to the on call room. As I was so exhausted this took a while, but nobody, I passed, seemed to comment on it. When I was less than a 100 yards away, I got a burst of energy to run, at the urge to vomit. Running to the on call room, I managed to make it to the sink in time. I was right to be cautious of the combination , but I could help but feel annoyed, because of the sickness I now felt.

I stripped of my clothes and decided wearing my tight running gear, that I wore to work earlier on today, was suitable enough to pass as pyjamas. I soon found myself all cwtched up in the uncomfortable bed. So tired it took no more than a matter of minutes, eye flickering, till they shut closed.

The on call room was quiet, so you could still hear the safe sounds of the ED clearly. Sam knew this would not affect her 'dreams' because they were non- existent. even in her sleep she knew she was becoming distressed and could feel the weight of her heartbeat pounding way over normal. She still felt sick, had a headache, along with an exceptionally high temperature, which caused her to sweat in her sleep. God know what state she would look like when she finally awake from her slumber.

* * *

Tom POV

I had been looking for Sam all afternoon. Ive checked the staff room, cubicles, reception and even some of the female toilets. But there was nothing. So i decided, the next best shot would be the peace garden.  
As he walked outside, he spotted Zoe, who as always was leaning against the wall, with a 'well deserved' cigarette in her hand.

"Hey Zo, you seen Sam anywhere?"  
I queried.  
"Yea Tom, I told her to go rest in the on call room. She's been in there for about 2 hours now." Zoe sniffled in the coldness. "I didn't think she'd agree but she backed down quite easily." She paused fir a second. "Then again she looked exhausted, so it understandable"  
"Two hours?" I commented. "That's a long time, well for Sam."  
That was the moment I knew something was up. She would never even pause for lunch during a shift, let alone a two hour nap.

* * *

Tom walked into the on call room. Sam laid there in a peaceful slumber. When the door creaked shut, Sam became distressed in her sleep, much to the shock of Tom. He ran towards the bed, in an attempt to comfort her. As he got closer he saw what everyone else saw. Not his beautiful, radiant, strong, defiant Sam, with her locks of hair falling ever so gently around her face. Instead he saw her hair scruffily pulled back, the black circles under her eyes and worst of all vulnerability, something Tom knew Sam despised anyone who saw it.

As Tom placed his hand softly on the bed, to gentle sit himself down, he found his hand touching a dampness from the sheets. Cold, wet, liquid. Then he saw the crimson stain that was beneath him. Panic set in.

"Sam, Sam can you hear me?

"Uhghfhg" Sam murmured.

Slowly but surely she was awakening. Toms panicked state lowered slightly, as she was still conscious and breathing. Next he had to search for the wound that was causing the bleed. That didn't take long. It was a large gash with smaller surrounding gashes, adding to the blood flowing from her arm.

Sam was startled when she awoke to find Tom staring a her in horror and frantically fiddling with her arm. That was the first time Sam actually looked at her injuries. The laceration was large how had she ignored this. God knows how much blood had been lost in the time she was sleeping.

* * *

Sam was grateful if was Tom who found her, as anyone else would have made a huge fuss by now, which would have really aggravated her. Tom he knew she wouldn't appreciated him calling Zoe. So he grabbed a suture kit and began cleaning her wound. Normally she would have been arguing on how she was 'perfectly capable to do it herself." But at the moment it was obvious she was far from it.

Sam had not yet spoken since she woke up. Tom thought she was awake enough to start answering the questions floating around his head. He had already suspected the wound was from the minor explosion, earlier on in the day.

" Sam is there anything else you'd like me to see too?"

She shook her head despite the pain she felt rippling over her body.

* * *

***cwtch is sort of welsh slang for being cuddled up/ cosy! **  
**I hope you have all forgiven me for not updating. I also have my gcse exams coming up soon, I don't know if I can update regularly. Sorry if I disappoint anyone with my writing. Also please review, if you liked it! Anyhoo thanks for reading.**

**And before I forget anyone got any ideas if what they would like to happen next. Will Sam continue her shift? Will she do more damage to herself? Or Will she just go home and relax? Also thanks to Mimiam for not complaining about my constant questioning**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't know wether or not you guys will like this chapter, I've kinda hit a wall. I'm sorry if you think its crap :) Any ideas will be very much appreciated! Any mistakes are my own unlike the characters, probably shouldn't be writing half asleep anyway Thanks guys enjoy x :) (just a bit of fluff)**

Tom insists I'm not fit enough to work and keeps threatening me with the whole, I'll tell Zoe bribe which I ain't falling for. He just frustrates me sometimes, he can be so patronising.  
" Im going back to work wether you like it or not, Tom, your not in control of me!" I hate arguing with Tom, but its his fault he needs to back of sometimes. He gave up almost instantly knowing how stubborn I can become.

* * *

But I must carry one do the only thing I can do, the only thing I'm good at in my life. Work. Cause its obviously not relationships. Dylan proved that. I was nothing more than a mistake to him. I am two different people, the strong independent work Sam and the Sam who is fat, stupid and a loner. But my happiest moments though are when I'm in work , with the faces of Jeff, Dixie, Tom, Zoe and the nurses. I believe they are the only people who i can consider as my 'friends '. Maybe even 'family' .

After being constantly asked, if I was okay, by various stern looking people. I decided it was time to call it day. Only having ten minutes left in the shift anyway. I went into the staff room and grabbed my bag,cycle gear and left.

* * *

The cycle home was exhausting as pain jolted through my body with every movement. When I arrive home, I just collapse on my sofa. I can not bring myself to do anything. I just want sleep. So I do.

**Sorry it's short but it's the best I can manage exam in two weeks and I haven't revised so I better :) thanks for reading and reviewing, If you haven't you should I'd like to know what your thinking x hope you all have a nice week anyway THANK YOU ! I will I update as soon as I can when I finally get a storyline in my head.**

_**~Kirsty x**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys just a snippet and I would like to tell you that it is half two in the morning I am writing this and there is an owl outside and he is cooing and he is very loud! **  
**_~Kirsty in a 'I will scream if it doesn't shut up mood!'_**

Am I the only person who can hear that stupid owl? I say to myself, as there's no one else around. It's now two in the morning. Its cold, dark and lonely. I'm drained and can't get to sleep. My brain is working over time, trying to find out where I've seen that young girls face. Along with the constant cooing of the owl. I find myself screaming 'Harry doesn't live her!' To the owl, but it just continues, if anything louder. As if its laughing at how ridiculous I'm being.

I don't care if its nocturnal! I have work at eight and could do with looking like a zombie. Tom would not approve, he would probably insist I go home or have a kip in the on call room. But I don't like fuss. It's not his fault though but I always seem to take it out on him. I'm a terrible person.

* * *

Before i know it I'm there, the place I promised myself to never go again. The bathroom cabinet. Fiddling with the scissors in my hands. Pondering on wether or not I need to do this. I do.

I've always found the scissors the best blade. It doesn't go too deep and creates small lines, with little scaring. After much debating I slice a few lines into each side of my hip, just under the knicker line. Where I know no one will see. After seeing the blood rush to the surface, I press the scissor blades into my hip, creating deep bruises. It relaxes me. But now my hips are searing with pain. I need some other kind of relief. I need something to get me to sleep. Something to help me drift off. So I grab raid the cabinet, and fall into another one of my old, bad habits and down three sleeping tablets with a small bottle of vodka. The short walk from the sink to the bed wears me out. Like a sack of spuds I drop onto the bed. Smothered with the comfort from the crisp white sheets. No worry, no fears. Unaware of the surroundings but to comfy to even realise.


	7. Chapter 7

Zoe was standing at reception questioning the big kid behind the desk as be played with his action figures.

_"Noel where's Sam she should be in by now shouldn't she?"_

_"Yea I've tried calling her but there wa no answ-" Noel replied just as Tom cut into their convosation._

_"Zoe have you seen Sam?"_

_"I was just about to ask you the same thing, her shift was meant to stay hours ago!"_

_"My breaks in 2 hours Zo I'll go to her house to look fir her then."_

_"Tom I'd say you could go, but theres a peads case coming in eta 6 minutes, it serious. As your worried, I could go see what's up my breaks in quarter of an hour, if you want?"_

_"Yea Zoe that would be great."_

_"Okay, just do me a favour, let Ash know"_

_"Yea of course!" _Tom shouted back as Zoe headed to her office.

* * *

Sam POV

That was the best sleep ever! My mind repeated as I woke up. The sun shone through the blinds of my room. I rolled over towards my phone, hitting a box of tablets and a vodka bottle. What on earth were they doing there. I rouse quickly confusion clouding my memory, as I attempted to recall what happened last night. Minutes passed and I came to the conclusion that I had taken the tablets and downed a whole bottle of vodka, again. I couldn't continue doing this.

As I picked up my phone it vibrated. The screen read twenty seven missed calls. I didn't understand why until I read the time. Crap! I was 5 hours late for work. Three of the missed calls were from Noel in reception, 6 were from Zoe and the rest from Tom. Th latest message on my phone was from Tom.

_**Hey Sam, I'm worried now, four hours! You better have a good reason for making me worry like this! Anyway Zoe is coming around in her break so that should be about 12:10. Call me as soon as you get this. Pleaseeeee!**_

_**Tom x**_

Crap I feel even guiltier now, not only am I severely late for work, but I've made Tom extreme worried. Oh crap Zoe she's coming here to my house in... ten minutes! I have to clean this place up. If she sees the amount of vodka bottles that litter the house I'll be suspended and forced to counselling, which I really don't want to happen.

I scurry around the house chucking every last bottle into the bin in my kitchen. I tried to think of an excuse to give her as I cleaned, I came up with several. The first was To make myself look ill and set up refuge on the sofa. Then to just apologise for forgetting to call in to notify her of me taking ill. But I didn't want to do that, cause she would forcibly make me miss work for the next two days. Second was to quickly get changed into casual clothes and act like I thought I had a day off. But I guessed that she wouldn't fall for that and just end up giving me a lecture. So my final option was to get ready for work in the sort time before she arrived and act like I was early for work and pretend that my shift doesn't start till one. I thought it was a master plan as it was a compromise of the two. Plus the whole thing with the mobile, well I'll just say I lost it.

I manage to look decent by the time the loud clapping of heels scurried up the stairs outside my apartment, to be followed by a loudly ringing doorbell.

* * *

Zoe POV

Wow Sams apartment block was really modern, I was impressed. For some reason I imagined her as more of a old terrace house i I was told by Tom her flat was 2B, so that meant she lived on the second floor. I now understand how she is so fit. To walk up and deon these steps each day and theres no lift! God their really making my chest kill , my feet are another matter with my new heels, they were giving such blisters. Oh well you know its what i always say, 'It hurts to look this good!'. Before I know it I was standing out side her door, holding a finger on the doorbell. That way if she was still asleep I would wake her up.

**Any ideas on what should happen next will be appreciated I do have a brief idea in my head but I'd like to know what you guys are thinking! :) thanks again for reading!**

** _Kirsty_ **


	8. Chapter 8

Sam POV

A final look in the mirror before confronting Zoe confirmed my suspicions. I looked terrible not just because of the fat that hung from me, but my eyes were sunken and puffy, even after that refreshing sleep! But Zoe was waiting at my door still. There was no time to stand in self pity.

I plucked up the courage to open the door, with a smile plastered on my face. She stood there smirking. I secretly envied her. She looked flawless, like always. With her high heels, hair tucked behind her ear and looking very professional in a dark blue dress. How did she look so pretty? How did I let myself go so much to look like this?

* * *

"And theres life at last!" Zoe announced sarcasm lacing every word.

"Nice to see you too Zoe" two could play the sarcastic game. It really wasn't a joy to see her, but she didn't know that, so it was even funnier.

" so are you going to invite me in or not my feet are killing me..."

My hand automatically gestured, for her to enter. "Yea sorry."

* * *

Zoe POV

The inside of the flat was like the Tardis small on the outside but big on the inside. It was so spacious, too big for a person on their own. I find it bad enough to live in my poxy apartment, which is full to the brim with clutter! Sam lead me through to the kitchen. I noticed that there was no family photos or ornaments, it was all slick and clean. Not as i imagined.

We decided it would be best to have a chat over a cup of tea. I offered to make the tea but Sam refused, almost placing me in the seat herself. She had been acting weirdly for the last week, I couldn't understand why, but I needed to get to the bottom of this. Not just because it might effect her work. But because I really care for the girl.

I tried talking to her as she made the teas, but she made no recognition of me speaking to her. She stood there staring at the kettle. Blankly. Ive noticed her also do that at work lately, but I've thought nothing of it. I normally zone out myself. I sat there and studied her body language. She stood there in a world of her own, all tense and rigid.

Sam turned around with a smile on her face, that I could tell was forced "So Zoe, what was it again tea, white, two sugars?"

"Yea um, that's right. "

As Sam stretched over to the sugar jar her top rose up. Zoe couldn't help but look at the bruises that arrayed across her torso. Come to think of it, Sam was extremely small her torso was no more than bones. Questions filled Zoe's head. How had she got the bruises? Why was she so skinny? As much as I wanted to delve into the unknown and ask her for the answers. I didn't dare. This was Sam we were talking about.

* * *

I tried to busy myself by getting the milk out of the fridge. The fridge was enormous, it was an American one, with the fridge freezer and the ice dispenser. As I opened the fridge the light beamed open to reveal a milk bottle on the middle shelf, bootle of wine and a block of cheese. That was it. I expected it to be filled to the brim with delicate goods like doughnuts,but it wasn't. I wanted to look in the freezer to see what she had been living off, but I knew she would notice it and question my movements.

I stood next to sam at the counter she was swaying slightly. When handing Sam the bottle, I then noticed a quiver from her hands. I felt brave and dived in with concern for my colleague.

" Sam are you sure you feel well enough to go in, you don't look too good"

"Yes i am fine!" Sam replies as she spins around knocking over the mugs in the process. the hot liquid pours all over her left arm, scalding her delicate skin. This caused her to let out a small gasp of pain. The mug then fell off the edge of the unit, that it was balancing on, making her flinch. She shot out of her seat and glided over to Sam, almost angelically . That was when Zoe noticed Sams hand instinctively rushing down to hip and grabbing the air. As if to grab a gun. Zoe's mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that sam thought she was in Afghan. Her body was tense and rigid again, with a blank expression coated on her face. Zoe pitied her.

Zoe approached sam carefully she softly placed her hand on the young doctors shoulders. It cause her to flinch out of her bubble. She spun hitting Zoe across the face, with the back of her right hand. Caught off guard Zoe was flung backwards, her heels causing her to slip on the slick floor.

* * *

**Sorry for not updating in ages guys, please don't shoot me, I've finally managed to get this uploaded! I don't know about anyone else but can I have a ****_whoop whoop_**** for everyone who has finished their GCSE exam or a levels! Don't know where I plan on going with this... feel free to give ideas on what you want! :) happy face! **

** (shout out to mimiam and minxheart for convincing me to write !)**

**_Kirsty_**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys sorry I haven't updated in ages, I'm not gonna make any excuses for why I haven't, cause I just haven't! Sorry ! Oh well I was stuck like a pig in a blanket on how to continue! But I'm gonna give it a shot x so I hope you like it.. Look forward to reading your reviews! oh and sorry that just not very long x :) **

**_Kirsty_**

* * *

_" Sam are you sure you feel well enough to go in, you don't look too good"_

_"Yes i am fine!" Sam replies as she spins around knocking over the mugs in the process. the hot liquid pours all over her left arm, scalding her delicate skin. This caused her to let out a small gasp of pain. The mug then fell off the edge of the unit, that it was balancing on, making her flinch. She shot out of her seat and glided over to Sam, almost angelically . That was when Zoe noticed Sams hand instinctively rushing down to hip and grabbing the air. As if to grab a gun. Zoe's mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that sam thought she was in Afghan. Her body was tense and rigid again, with a blank expression coated on her face. Zoe pitied her._

_Zoe approached sam carefully she softly placed her hand on the young doctors shoulders. It cause her to flinch out of her bubble. She spun hitting Zoe across the face, with the back of her right hand. Caught off guard Zoe was flung backwards, her heels causing her to slip on the slick floor._

* * *

**Sam**

Zoe laid there. On the floor. In front of me. Blood pouring. From a gash on the side of her head. A gash that I gave her. My friend. Yea friend.  
She looked at me with them big brown eyes of hers, filled with shock,terror and pity, all because of me!

I couldn't breath, my heart had sank. The sight if what I've done sickens me. The panic starts rising inside me I can feel it. I need to get out. I need a drink. I just can't stay here. Before Zoe could say anything I scooped my spare change of the counter and my work bag, turned on my heel and flew out of the flat. "Sorry" I whispered.

I took the stairs three four steps at a time. I was surprised I didn't fall. Standing on the street, I calmed myself down, I had to plan my next moves. I questioned whether to go left or right... I knew left would take me toward the valleys on my running route and right would take me to work where at the moment I didn't want to visit. After a pondering I came to a conclusion. Right, that's where I should go, cause no one know their way around the mountains like me. They would never go up there. well theres too much mud for Zoe anyway!

* * *

**Zoe**

Blood masked my face. I put my hand up to the cut and prayed that I wouldn't need stitches. The blood seeped through my hands. This was a deep cut. Very. That's when I remembered Sam. I looked up Sam. You could see the panic in her eyes, she was so scared. I was about to tell her that it was all good. But she had already took of.

I sat on the floor for at least 10 minutes, before deciding to slowly shift to the chair. A wave of nausea hit me, so I stumbled to the sink, discarding my breakfast. I could feel myself swaying so I fumbled around for something to grab on to. The only thing I found was Sams phone. Frantically I searched through it for toms number. I pressed the green but and waited for the call to connect. Then it all went black ad I hit the cold tiles.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys sorry I haven't updated in ages, I'm not gonna make any excuses for why I haven't, cause I just haven't! Sorry ! Oh well I was stuck like a pig in a blanket on how to continue, so feel free to give some ideas! I'm gonna give it a shot x so I hope you like it.. If not please tell me. I know its short, but its progress. Look forward to reading your reviews! I can't believe how many views I've had on this!  
Disclaimer- I still own NOTHING, how about that!**

* * *

_Zoe_

_Blood masked my face. I put my hand up to the cut and prayed that I wouldn't need stitches. The blood seeped through my hands. This was a deep cut. Very. That's when I remembered Sam. I looked up Sam. You could see the panic in her eyes, she was so scared. I was about to tell her that it was all good. But she had already took of._

_I sat on the floor for at least 10 minutes, before deciding to slowly shift to the chair. A wave of nausea hit me, so I stumbled to the sink, discarding my breakfast. I could feel myself swaying so I fumbled around for something to grab on to. The only thing I found was Sams phone. Frantically I searched through it for toms number. I pressed the green but and waited for the call to connect. Then it all went black and I hit the cold tiles._

* * *

Sam

I made a list in my head as I ran. Trying to stop myself from thinking about what just happened.

Paracetamol  
Vodka  
Crips  
Wine  
Water.  
Razor  
Bread

That would be all I would need. Yes, no. My mind was spinning. Do I do this. Is this the right thing. I got to. I got to run. There's no other option. It took me about 7 minutes to reach the shop. I normally called in too and from work to pick up a similar list, so you could say I knew the owner well. She doesn't know my job though she thinks I'm unemployed. I prefer it that way. No one needs to know the truth. Ever.

* * *

Tom

It has been two and a half hours since Zoe left to go and get Sam. Zoe must be giving Sam a proper grilling, I'm so glad I'm not her. Zoe can be harsh. But it shouldn't be taking this long Sam only lives round the corner. The ed was getting busy now we needed them both here. There are only three doctors here me, ash and lily. To make matters worse we just got a call from the red phone about a major arson attack in the local rugby club. Apparently only three people were hurt. Luckily.

"Tom peads case! This is Pete Saigon 16 years old, was in the rugby club fire. Has sustained roughly 70% burns." Dixie explained. "Not good"

"Okay let's get him through to resus then."

"Robyn can I have cross match of six units and a litre of saline, thank you. "

While assessing the patient I notice his chances of recovery are very slim. His body is covered in third degree. We needed to chase up his parents. "Can someone chase up his notes and contact his next of kin please, urgently!"

He was so young. I stood for a minute and watched the child struggling for his life. He was stabilising ever so slightly, but that won't hold for long. I was shocked out of my trans by the vibrating in my pocket. I rushed out to the car park picked up my iphone frantically trying to answer the call. " Sam? Sam?" It must have been the signal i thought so I tried calling back. No answer. Something wrong, I can feel it.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm feeling pretty crap tonight, kinda of bored with my life lately so I thought what could possibly be a better time to write. The end is kinda cheesy I know I couldn't find the right words. Also sorry not much not Tom POV I will continue, at some point. Also before I forget thank you for the reviews they help me a lot. So shout out to you guys. ~ ****_Kirsty_**

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**Tom**

I raced my car round to Sams flat, like a crazed maniac, surprised not to be pulled over by the police. Luckily someone had just come out of the flat so the door was still open. I already knew which flats was Sams, vaguely I'd only been here once. Rushing up the steps I took five steps at a time, maybe more, I wasn't really counting. I arrived at Sams door. I was open, off the lock. I hurried in and scanned the living room and bedroom. Sam? Sam? Watching into the kitchen panic rose and nausea sat in. My clinical lead was slumped down by the cabinets, her face barely recognisable under the blood matted hair. Crimson covered her navy dress. She will not be happy worth that dry cleaning bill. Shit Tom, focus!

* * *

**Sam**

So I've done it. I've ran away from the town. Away from everyone I've hurt. Zoe and Tom especially. I'm walking up to the mountains where no one will find me. I don't want to be found. I have thought about this so many times, when I've been bored, sat at home, alone. After finding my iPod in my bag, I stuck my headphones in to block out the world. I not sure where I'm going, there's so many routes I know. I just walked wherever my legs took me. There is loads of current upbeat music playing, like blurred lines, I hate that type of music it all sounds the same. Then my favourite song came on - my 'walking song' it would always help me.

_'No, I don't know where I'm going _

_But, I sure know where I've been _

_Hanging on the promises _

_In songs of yesterday _

_An' I've made up my mind, _

_I ain't wasting no more time _

_Tho' I keep searching for an answer, _

_I never seem to find what I'm looking for _

_Oh Lord, I pray _

_You give me strength to carry on, _

_'Cos I know what it means _

_To walk along the lonely street of dreams _

_An' here I go again on my own _

_Goin' down the only road I've ever known, _

_Like a drifter I was born to walk alone _

_An' I've made up my mind _

_I ain't wasting no more time '_

That's when I made it to my final destination, for tonight anyway.

**Song- Here I go again by Whitesnake**


End file.
